Taking the piss out of Social Media

Through the medium of piss, the essence of each Social Media website listed below has been captured concisely and with varying degrees of accuracy.

The list was inspired by numerous tweets doing the rounds over the last few days, none of which ventured beyond LinkedIn.

I guess it was quite funny up to that point and then I had to go and spoil it.

Mind you, I am quite proud of the Wikileaks entry!

Have I missed any?

Twitter: I need to pee.
Facebook: I peed!
Foursquare: I’m peeing here.
Quora: Why am I peeing?
Youtube: Watch this pee!
LinkedIn: I pee extremely well.
MySpace: Peeeee, maybe the face I can’t forget…
iTunes: Download the single for just 79p.
Bebo: Mummy I need a pee pee…
Urbanspoon: The pea soup was to die for.
Wikipedia: I just passed a liquid by-product of my body, which was secreted by my kidneys through a process called urination and excreted through my urethral passage.
Wikileaks:

Google+

I just peed my pants…

Let’s all pee in a circle!

 

Asda’s Green Room re-visited

This time last year I scribbled down a few thoughts on Asda’s Green Room, a website where Asda staff can get together to find out what’s happening around the company as well as share their own stories, pictures and videos.

What makes the Green Room so special is that whilst most companies do this kind of thing, very few do so in public. There’s no hiding behind the corporate firewall here.  Customers, shareholders, media, rivals – in fact anyone with a passing interest in Asda can visit the site and have their say.

So when I heard that the Green Room had a makeover last week I rushed back to pay a visit – and I must say it looks amazing.

The new homepage is very easy on the eye and packed with attractive hooks to draw you deeper into some great content.  Additional functionality has been added to make it easier to submit comments, upload and preview pictures, and receive progress information on both.

New design elements have enhanced navigation around the site as well as point you to other linked resources like the Green Room’s Facebook page and Twitter feed. I really really like what they have done.

I said some pretty negative things last time round about my disappointment at the lack of obvious staff interaction with the site. I’m pleased to say things have improved on that front.

There was a lovely news piece from early December where Asda President and CEO Andy Clarke thanked staff for their Herculean efforts in keeping the business going during the extreme weather conditions, in short informal video. This in turn attracted a bunch of comments from staff and customers, telling their own stories of braving the Arctic conditions.

If I were to be really picky (which obviously I am!) I’d have loved to have seen a follow-up comment from Andy Clarke in the thread acknowledging the stories, in particular the comment from an Asda customer who explains why the residents of Slack Head in Beetham are “very lucky to have one of your employees in our community”. This kind of content is priceless. But only if people are reading it.

There is still a lot of work to be done to make the Green Room the runaway success it deserves to be. Despite improvements, levels of engagement with staff are still patchy. Most of the news stories don’t seem to attract comments, including one where the company announced it had raised £4m last year for partner charity Tickled Pink. Another story about a member of staff who had just won £5.6m on the National Lottery attracted a single solitary comment.

The same lack of engagement is reflected on Facebook, where since the beginning of December, the 30-odd posts on the Green Room wall have attracted just 4 comments.

The next step for the Green Room team has to be off-line.

The on-line offering is more than fit for purpose. It is actually bloody good. What is needed now is awareness, education, and encouragement.  Staff need to be encouraged and empowered to get involved. The easy bit has been done – the hard bit starts now.

The key to success in my opinion will be getting the entire management community to lead by example. They need to demonstrate through their own actions that engaging with the Green Room is not just permitted, but genuinely encouraged.

Turds floating on the sea of life

I got up extra early this morning to get into the office and get a few hours under my belt before belting up North for a funeral.

I never made it into work because some troubled soul decided to bring the West End to its knees by breaking into a shop on Regent Street and when the Old Bill turned up he threatening to blow himself up with what turned out to be a tube of Smarties.  

After several hours of tense stand-off and negotiations the man was nicked. Some eight hours later the last of the police cordons was finally lifted and normality returned to London’s West End. If such a condition exists in London’s West End…

Yep – hundreds, possibly thousands of people never made it to work today because of a lunatic wielding a tube of brightly coloured sugar coated chocolate drops.

Meanwhile I had been to the funeral of TJ.

Four years my junior, TJ was tragically taken from us last month by a sudden and fatal heart condition while travelling in the South Pacific. He was fitter and leaner than every one of his old colleagues and friends who turned up to say farewell today. By rights he should have lived for another 30 years and continue to brighten the lives of those lucky enough to know him.

I then spent 3 hours trying to get back into London because some other troubled soul decided to jump in front of a train in Slough, causing the usual network chaos that accompanies such behaviour.

One life taken far too early from a man that really valued it, versus thousands of lives inconvenienced by the actions of a man who clearly didn’t and another who clearly doesn’t. It just doesn’t seem fair.

Today was a crazy day. It was one of those days where the frailty of the human condition exposed itself in all its glory.

New channel for Internal Communications?

How many of you know what a QR code is?

For the uninitiated, it is a two-dimensional matrix barcode that seems a bit smarter than your average common-or-garden barcode.

QR stands for quick response. Toyota invented them in 1994 and they were initially used for tracking vehicle parts during the manufacturing process.

Nowadays they are becoming more common in a commercial content, where mobile phone users are targeted with adverts in magazines, in shop windows and on billboards. I never noticed them myself, but Waitrose took to sticking QR codes on their recent TV ads.  You’d have to be pretty quick off the mark to catch them – although I suppose you could always Sky+ them.

QR codes can be used to display information to a user’s mobile phone, including simple text, to point to a website, to compose an email or text message and even to add a vCard to the device.

Many camera phones, including any with an Android OS and Nokia’s Symbian OS can read QR codes automatically.  I had to download a free app for my iPhone to have a play – but let’s face it, that’s no hardship.

There are several free and easy QR code generators on-line that within seconds allow you to create a QR code, which could then be published online or in print, or perhaps on signage – or maybe your business card.  What about clothing? I found one website that offers customised clothing with your own ‘secret’ messages printed in the form of a QR codes.

Brilliant – it means you can wear really offensive T-shirts in public without embarrassment as only those who choose to point their mobile phone at you can find out what the hidden message is. Try the very inoffensive looking QR code over to the right for size.

The less offensive example at the top of this page automatically directs the reader to this blog.

Do the same with the code to the left of this paragraph and you will automatically be offered the option with a single click to ring me. 

Don’t worry, I like to live dangerously.

Given the increasing use of QR codes in a commercial (and therefore communications) perspective I’ve been thinking about whether or not they could possibly be used in an Internal Communications context.

And you know what? I’m beginning to think they could!